What if I? I must ask myself this every day. Every day I dream and wonder about what could be and how wonderful it all would be. If I did it, that is. It would be so great to do some of these things, if only I did them. No, doing is not my strong suit, lately. It’s been a while since I really ‘did’ something.
I haven’t been reading enough, haven’t been editing my photos, haven’t really done any coding. I’ve been sitting around thinking about how nice it would be, to do the things I need to do and want to do, to think about what a great feeling of achievement I would experience - once I did it all. I’ve felt paralysed lately, paralysed by the thought of failing myself, and failing those about whom I care. If I couldn’t get it all to work, to be perfect.
Only one way to get past it. I must do. Cannot hide from my responsibilities, cannot hide from reality. I can do it all, well, can do everything I realistically set my mind to. All it takes is for me to put in the work. That’s the one unavoidable step, to do things, myself.
Published on October 10, 2024